Someone asked if I was on steroids today
Im not but that was seriously the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Anonymous asked: your not shit fag pog
guess who isn't showering or doing laundry until...
this place sucks :|
Also I'm, like, peripherally aware that Oreos did...
That’s cool. But I haven’t guiltlessly consumed carbs since the Clinton administration.
I work with a lot of nerds.
In my field that’s not unusual. There’s this one guy in my shop who will not shut up about my MacBook. My Mac and I have been together since 2006. He’s worked great since day one and I’ve never had a problem. I will not stand for this nerd talking shit about my lil guy. I also don’t see any reason to upgrade. I should have brought my fucking PowerBook out here.
to all the Military blogs and high school kids that reblogged this post. Hope you caught the Catherine Deneuve reference because that is literally the gayest thing I’m capable of.
If you really want to support the troops
take those tacky yellow ribbon magnets off your car and send me The West Wing (at least the fourth season, if not the entire series) on a flash drive.
Humans half the time: I just want to cuddle up with you and watch cute movies and look into your eyes and tell you I love you and kiss you lots and then fall asleep in your arms.
Humans half of the time: I just want to rip off your clothes and get pushed against the wall with my arms pinned up and make out and push you onto your bed and we can fuck the shit out of each other, ok.
Me all of the time: Don't you fucking touch me. Don't think about touching me. Don't even think about the word touch or any of it's synonyms. I swear to everything you believe in I will paint the walls with your blood if you so much as lay a finger on me.
Reactions after a firefight/being attacked
normal people: oh my god that was terrifying. holy shit i almost crapped my pants
me: *sips on an off brand, russian energy drink, the way an aging french ingenue smokes a cigarette*
me: this place blows and I need a nap
fuck my weird body, fuck these unhygienic living conditions, and fuck my whole life
voguefemme-deactivated20120913 asked: What an absolute pleasure to meet someone that has the guts to fight for these ungrateful people here in the United States. My cousin is in the Navy and I know just how difficult it can be. He completely blocked out his tours b/c he was traumatized. I felt so bad for him. I read for a bit and realized you were a Gay soldier and I tip my hat to you. Are you out or do you keep it on the DL...
I just ate a muffin that I've since realized...
does anybody have any last words for me before I peace out to go chill with Jesus and Donna Summer?
So I had a 45 minute conversation with a stuffed...
he is such a bad influence omg. He keeps telling me to do something I KNOW IS WRONG. I keep telling him his argument is amoral. Then he said he majored in rhetoric at Penn. I was like “can you even major in that?” and then he told me I went to a shitty ag school so I told him I majored in not being a flightless bird with a bizarrely long neck. now he’s mad.
It was just another boring day in Afghanistan
But that all changed when the Fire Nation attacked.
When did I lose any concept of time
I know there are roughly 30 minutes until lunch is served. I know that, unless something happens, I should be going to bed in about 11 hours. What I don’t know is how many days I’ve been in Afghanistan. I shaved my head at one point, but this morning when I was shaving I realized I could probably use another haircut. I clipped my fingernails for the third time in country. They were...
penisinyourmomsmouth replied to your post: showers here can apparently run out of water Foreskin cleaning in the sink it is.
showers here can apparently run out of water
this place fucking sucks
Anonymous asked: What's foreskin
I'm not here to put anybody on blast,
but there are certain NATO soldiers, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, who keep washing their foreskins in the sink when I am trying to brush my teeth. I’m glad you guys have stopped doing it by the DFAC but it’s time to stop altogether. You can use baby wipes or you can take a full on shower. PICK ONE. xx, -The Anti Smegma Soldier
destinyanne94 asked: Marines is Poolies, Army is Deppies or Future Soldiers. Because of the whole "DEP pool" thing lol.. Just figured I'd let you know:-p
Wow this interpreter really does not like black...
Sometimes when I write something
and it get’s reblogged, it’s usually by straight teenage boys who are planning on joining the military (the phenomenon is known as “Poolees” in the Marine Corps. No such Army equivalent exists to my knowledge). I wonder what these same straight teenage boys would do if they saw my boyfriend and I holding hands. I wonder if these same straight teenage boys would admire my...
Well this is interesting-Secretary of Defense Leon... →
I Hate Cadences, RPGs, and Civilians.
You know that one cadence that starts off “Up in the morning out of the rack/ Greeted at dawn with an early attack?” That was my morning. Jump cut to me in my bunk, casually having a dirty dream about Jet Li (DO NO JUDGE ME). I was clad in army issue brown briefs with my glasses and pistol on my night stand; things were as good as they were going to get. Suddenly I was woken by a...
Got an unsolicited care package today
the attached letter starts with, “Dear soldier fighting in Iraq”
derekfett: deployed liked your photo: You get butt picture because I finished my… At least a gay guy likes my butt. Bunch of picky tumblr girls!
i feel like the world's biggest tool ordering from...
but amazon wouldn’t deliver what i wanted to afghanistan :/
aureusgigas asked: I assume youre a big bottom bitch
Anonymous asked: uncut
I wanna know what people assume about me because...
Put an assumption in my ask. I’ll confirm or dispute it. I’m not gonna be mean or anything, I’m just very interested. You can go anon if you want.
derekfett replied to your chat: High Ranking Taliban Official: Whyyyyyy have we… Yup, then he goes back into the mountains and mortars the fob unrelentingly naw. he tells all his bros/boys “I just met the chillest bro, he’s going to teach us ultimate frisby tomorrow!!!”
High Ranking Taliban Official: Whyyyyyy have we been shooting at you? YOU'RE SUCH A CHILL BRO
Me: I KNOW!!!! Like, seriously, that's what I've been saying!
HRTO: man we've been going about this all wrong. Shit. I'm calling this whole insurgency off
Me: Bro, that is a relief. Do you like bagels with Lox?
HRTO: TF is that
Me: bro, I am about to rock your fucking world.
I keep finding bottles of pee that were left...
Seriously bro, you should have thrown that shit out. also i had a minor freak out a couple days ago. but this place is sort of great in the way that you don’t really have time to freak out so after a while it just sort of goes away?