"no one will be surprised if you die"
-my mom during a casual lunch conversation
I’m hanging out with this guy I used to sort of date and he’s trying to have sex with me and IT IS NOT HAPPENING
penisinyourmomsmouth replied to your photo: Hello sun burn I don’t even know what this is a picture of. I’m completely confused. -___- my sun burnt ass back :|
Ran into my ex boyfriend
THANK GOD I WAS WEARING A TANK TOP
tan face, tan hands, LILY WHITE EVERYTHING ELSE
pool party today. are you ready, fellas?
no. no no no no no. WHY ARE DUCKS SO FUCKING TERRIFYING?????!?
Me: come over. I just don't want to feel alone anymore
Me: also your ass got pretty fat and I'm into that.
went to a christian league softball game
How are these Christians supposed to flee from sin if they can’t even run through first base??? SMH
Me: Breathe if you find me attractive.
Entire human race: *dies from lack of oxygen*
back in my home town
who wants to see how long it takes me to desperately call the ex-boyfriend who broke my heart???????????
Ordered a biscuit sandwich and a giant pop on my...
Lordt be a biscuit and sop this hangover up
I literally ate a sleeve of thin mints at the USO...
Going through airport security drunk
Literally reached a new high/low tonight/this morning
I HOPE THEY ELT ME BOARD THIS PLANE DRUNK AS FUCK
So many puerto rican flags hanging from rear view...
Is there even anybody left in the island????
penisinyourmomsmouth: I had Staff Duty last night (24 Hour Shift) fun fact: i’ve never had staff duty or cq. i had fireguard, like, 5 times in basic. THAT IS ALL
Smell Ya Later, ACUs
The next time I wear a military uniform it’ll be multicam. The next time I wear ACU pattern, if there is a next time, will be when I’m back stateside.
CAN THESE CADENCE SINGING MOTHERFUCKERS SHUT THE...
some of us don’t have to wake up early for pt anymore.
i-have-nightmares replied to your post: my unit posted a bunch of pictures of me during our month long FTX PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPE if only that’s the way it worked :|
i have a file on my macbook called "octopus" that...
DON’T ASK I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO DO IT FOR ME.
my unit posted a bunch of pictures of me during...
LET’S JUST SAY I DON’T LOOK AWESOME AFTER NOT SHOWERING FOR 13 DAYS/ NOT SLEEPING FOR 3 DAYS
DREW A DUCK ON THE INSIDE OF MY PC BECAUSE YOLO
hynsole replied to your post: people pretend to be in the military on the internet? I like to pretend I’m a flaming homosexual on the internet. And in my off time. And when I eat bananas.
people pretend to be in the military on the...
that’s shitty. the only thing i’ve ever pretended to be on the internet is interesting
presenter: in the event of an emergency the exits are located just in front of me and just behind me
me: motherfucker we are in a tent.
sure, the army,
let me just change my flight at the last minute. I TOTALLY HAVE A SPARE $500 LAYING AROUND FOR THIS EXACT PURPOSE
I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN MY FRIENDS GET SHOT
ESPECIALLY WHEN I’M NOT THERE TO PROTECT THEM GAHHHH
Marine Killed in Possible Hate Crime →
Police say suspect, also a Marine, used homophobic slur during Barracks Row stabbing
letsgottoafghanistan: Extreme conservatives are fucking mental. Extreme liberals are fucking mental as well. Moderation people. Moderation is the key.
Anonymous asked: you're not a vagina, they're tough and can take a pounding :|
talkativequietkid asked: sorry i wasnt trying to sound mean.
talkativequietkid asked: i looove the pictures of your small pox pustule. I almost died laughing jajajaja
thatspfcthornman2you asked: How do you knock a ferret unconscious???? You are officially my hero!
live-your-life-dea-deactivated2 asked: Hey, I stumbled over your blog and found this whole body MRI. The black stuff is not poop - it’s air -> farts ;) Have a great day!
Accidentally knocked a ferret unconscious.
I should drink less :-(
Anonymous asked: Looks like that bro what's to hook up with you. Too bad he's white, AND YOU NO DATE WHITE GUYS
last night i went out with a great guy who likes...
OF COURSE I’M DODGING HIS CALLS TODAY